


All The Kingdoms Of The World

by Elderly_Worm



Series: DYKWEI Extras [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: He/Him Pronouns For Crowley (Good Omens), Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Other, Pre-Relationship, Scene: Crucifixion of Jesus 33 AD (Good Omens), She/Her Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens), Temptation of Jesus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29743005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elderly_Worm/pseuds/Elderly_Worm
Summary: Crowley is assigned to tempt Yeshua out of bringing about Paradise and the end of the world, but her work has unforseen consequences...
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley & Jesus (Good Omens)
Series: DYKWEI Extras [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997071
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	All The Kingdoms Of The World

**Author's Note:**

> This story fits in with the events of my much longer work-in-progress, [Do You Know What Eternity Is](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25798744/chapters/62664223), but should stand on its own. 
> 
> The title is part of a quote from the TV script: "[Yeshua/Jesus] seemed a very bright young man. I showed him all the kingdoms of the world."

_Tuesday, 10 July 29 AD. Jerusalem, Roman Empire, Canaan_.

Crowley held up a hand to her eyes, squinting across the field. There was a figure in robes, sitting on a rock in the distance, watching her. She could feel the divinity from here. 

Nothing for it, though. Hell’d have her head if she didn’t do this.

She crossed the field toward him, the grass crunching underfoot. The sun was still low, cutting through the last dregs of morning mist. It would get hot later, especially with her veils. 

When she got within a few paces, Yeshua waved. “Are you Satan?”

“Nah. Sorry to disappoint.” She stopped and sat cross-legged on the ground. “Name’s Crowley.”

“Yeshua of Nazareth. Are you here to tempt me?”

“Yup.” She pulled off the veil from over her eyes to look at him properly.

He didn’t flinch or react to them, which was… unnerving. He wasn’t half bad-looking either. Probably had eligible young people all over him. Unless he was married. Was he married? She didn’t recall.

Anyway. Better get on with it. “Look, this is going to be awkward, so I’m just going to get it over with. All right?”

“All right.”

Why’d he have to be so nice? It was bloody uncanny. Crowley cleared her throat before continuing. “Satan gave me a script. Part of one, anyway.”

Yeshua nodded in apparent understanding. 

“Right. So.”

She should probably be serious about this. At least a little. Had to relax. It was just a routine temptation! Yeshua was just a random bloke. A weirdly symmetrical, disturbingly gaunt bloke. 

Hang on. “How come you’re all… frail-looking? Have you been eating?”

Yeshua shook his head. “I’ve been fasting for forty days.”

“Forty—that’s ridiculous. Did, y’know.” She looked conspicuously skyward, then back at him. “Did She make you?”

“God guides me.”

“Ugh. You lot, honestly.” She raised a hand to snap her fingers, then froze. “Hang on. Can you do miracles?”

“Yes.”

Of course he could. “That’s weird.”

He spread his hands. “I didn’t have a choice in it.”

“Right, guess not. Sorry about that. Rotten way to be born. All that responsibility…”

“I don’t have anything to compare it to. And my childhood was reasonably normal.”

Crowley snorted. “Your mum and dad knowing you were the child of God was normal? Didn’t you hang out in the temple for fun?”

“Reasonably normal.” Yeshua sighed. “Is this part of the temptation?”

“Not really. I mean, yeah, it helps to get to know you better, but…” Mostly she was just curious, really. Yeshua was definitely holier than the average human—or more powerful, at any rate—but didn’t actually seem _that_ weird. Collected and wise beyond his years, maybe, but there were loads of humans like that.

She’d probably better get on with it, either way. “You’re hungry, right?”

“Yes.”

“If you’re the son of God, why not make the rocks turn into bread? Or, Heaven, just conjure up some bread?”

“It’s said that one can’t survive on just bread. We also rely on the word and love of God.”

Crowley squinted at him. “What kind of bollocks is that? You have a body. You have to eat.”

“I can’t give into you,” said Yeshua simply. “And spiritual fulfillment is necessary.”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t have ‘spiritual fulfillment,’ and I’m fine.”

Yeshua raised his eyebrows. “You’re a Demon.”

“So? I’m fine.”

“Really? You don’t ever spend time thinking about your disconnection from God?”

Shit, he was good.

She looked away. “’S not that big a deal.”

Yeshua didn’t respond, just looked at her like he’d proven his point. Which he probably had, to be fair. Bastard.

“Would you like to take a walk?” Yeshua asked.

“Yeah, sure.” She surged up. “’M actually meant to take you into the city.”

“Is that right?” 

“Mm-hmm. To the temple. Doesn’t really make sense to me, honestly, but it’s what the Dark Council decided, so. I’ve got to do it.” She offered him a hand. 

He looked at it, then back at her.

“It’s not going to damn you, if that’s what you’re wondering. And gender’s human nonsense anyway, so. It’s just my hand.”

He took it, and she helped him up. Then they set off across the field, falling into step beside one another.

“What’s it like, anyway?” Crowley asked after the silence had got long enough.

“What?”

“Being the son of God, and all. What’re you meant to do? Seems a lot of pressure for one human.”

“It is. I’m meant to end the world and bring all of humanity into cosmic harmony.”

Crowley grimaced. “Sounds boring.”

“It’s supposed to be joyful and fill everyone with peace.”

The sun was higher in the sky now, heating her dark clothing. She couldn’t take off her veil, though. Modesty rules and all. Though the hand-holding probably defeated the purpose, cometo think of it. “Is it what you want to do, then?”

Yeshua’s steps faltered, and she stopped to look back at him. He was frowning in apparent concentration. 

Crowley resisted the urge to whoop and punch the air. For all the Heavenly glitter and pomp over Yeshua, he was just a human. And she knew how humans worked. She recognized that expression: he was _questioning_. 

“I don’t know,” Yeshua said finally, then began walking. 

She fell into step beside him again. 

“I like the world, I guess,” he said. “It’s fun, watching kids grow up. Putting a table together with my hands.”

Right, he was a carpenter. She’d seen them working. Could be a handy angle. “I like watching when somebody’s crafted a perfect joint and it slides together.”

Yeshua smiled wistfully. “It feels even better when you’re the one who made it.”

“I’ll bet it does.” Crowley paused just long enough before speaking again. “Your paradise. Does it have carpenters? And I don’t mean, do carpenters get to go, ’cause obviously they do if all of humanity’s at peace. But do people actually build tables there?”

She remembered Heaven before the Fall, and no one ever built a table.

“No. No, I guess we wouldn’t need to build tables anymore.” Yeshua wasn’t looking at her anymore, focusing hard on the ground. “It’s for the best, though. Peace is better than tables.”

“Maybe. But, suppose… I mean, this is just an idea, but suppose there could be peace without giving up tables? World’s getting better every day. Or could, anyway. Suppose one day everybody just decided to be a good person, without any need for divine intervention, and we could all have tables anyway?”

Yeshua shot her a suspicious look. “You’re tempting me.”

“It’s my job,” said Crowley apologetically. 

They walked the rest of the way to Jerusalem in silence. By the time they arrived, it was near midday. Crowley conjured up some water, which they shared. It was strange, really. She’d done all this stuff with other humans, and with her angel, but this felt… different, somehow. Momentous.

They climbed the hill to the temple. The other humans didn’t pay them any attention. The combined wishes of the son of God and a Demon not to be disturbed could do that.

At the temple, Crowley stopped. “I’m meant to take you up there.”

Yeshua frowned. “Can you fly?”

“Yeah. But I’m not meant to where people can see.”

Yeshua snapped his fingers, and they were standing on top of the temple. 

Crowley swayed for a moment, then steadied herself. “Wasn’t that supposed to hurt? If you’re holy, and all?”

“It’s not intended to,” said Yeshua. 

“I guess not.” It was just… when Aziraphale had transported her like that—millennia ago, now—it had hurt. 

“Anyway.” She looked over the edge of the roof, then straightened up. Even if it wouldn’t kill her, her body didn’t like the height much. “Point is, if you’re the son of God, you should jump off.”

Yeshua looked unimpressed. Which was entirely fair, honestly. Not her fault the Dark Council was clueless about temptations.

“She’ll command Angels to catch you, so you don’t die. Right? ’Cause she cares about you, and all.”

“People say not to test God.”

“Eh, fair enough.” She sniffed, then looked over. “I wouldn’t trust Angels to be fast enough, anyway.”

“You don’t like Angels?”

Why did he have to be so bloody perceptive? “I’m a Demon. Not meant to like Angels.”

“That didn’t answer my question.”

She rolled her eyes. “Can we get down already?”

Yeshua snapped his fingers, landing them back where they started.

Yeah, that didn’t hurt. Bloody bizarre. 

“Where next?”

“Where d’you want to go?”

Yeshua narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re tempting me.”

“We’ve been over this.”

He shrugged. “It’s still true.”

Crowley groaned. “Look, what about everywhere?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve got some leeway this time, with miracles. Well, not miracles. You know they never said what they are for us? Doesn’t really matter, but. Anyway.” She paused. “I’m technically supposed to tempt you with power. Which is ridiculous, because you can already do miracles. Son of God and all.”

He nodded. “What else would you tempt me with?”

“I mean, it’s pretty clear the temptation thing is working. Not to be rude, but you’re fantastically boring. So, we could… I don’t know. Take a tour. You ever been outside Galilee?”

“I went to Egypt as a young child.”

“Egypt’s small potatoes these days. You should’ve seen it before. I mean, obviously, it was bad how it was built up, but… point is, the pyramids used to be a Heaven of a lot more impressive. White limestone and gold and all that.” She paused, cocking her head, then shrugged. “Yeah, I’ve got an idea. Hang on.”

She snapped her fingers, transporting them to the top of a mountain. It wasn’t that far off, really. Bit chillier than it was in Jerusalem. 

Yeshua looked around. “I thought you were taking me to Egypt?”

“Nah, I’ve got a better idea.” She looked around, appraising their surroundings. It wasn’t a terrible spot. “Let’s sit.”

Yeshua still looked suspicious, which was totally fair, but he sat opposite her. 

“Thing is,” she said. “I’ve been on Earth for a long fucking time. I’ve seen a lot. Bad stuff, good stuff, bloody gorgeous stuff…” Aziraphale rose to mind unbidden, and she pushed it away. “But the real crux of it is, it’s always changing. Maybe not fast, but it is. Things get worse, they get better. That’s just how you lot are.”

Yeshua frowned. “What does that have to do with Egypt?”

“That’s the case with Egypt, too. I saw it begin, I was there when it rose and fell—which happened surprisingly often—and now I’ve seen it end. It’s Rome now, right? But I can show you all of that.”

It was brilliant, if she was being prideful. That was what got lost if he did what the Angels wanted him to do. 

She folded her legs under her and sat up straight. “Let me show you.”

Yeshua looked at her posture, then at her face.

She tried to look trustworthy at first, but that was probably a lost cause with her eyes, so she smiled instead.

He adopted the same position and met her gaze.

Crowley shut her eyes and reached out for him in her mind, conjuring up a memory from the Beginning to show him. Way back, right after Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden. She’d had dinner with them once—them, the boys, and Aziraphale. 

Then she moved on to Uruk. She showed him how the buildings rose from one story to many. She showed him the ziggurats, the way the Euphrates* sparkled in the sun. The fields, the marketplace. All the humans’ faces.

(* The Buranuna, back then.)

Then Egypt. All the way from the fight she watched with War. Then the pyramids. She tried to keep the sadness she had remembering the humans who’d suffered to build them away from Yeshua, but he squeezed her hand and she knew she’d failed. After the pyramids, she showed him the statues, the streets. The fig trees in her garden. 

She showed him Athens, and Tyre, and Thebes. Thousands of humans, hundreds of buildings rising and crumbling back down again. Raghavan and Thangadurai, with their brightly colored cotton and cool homes. The tower of Babel, too. The library of Alexandria, and the way it had burned. 

The last one, though, brought an image of Aziraphale to mind, and Crowley broke the connection on instinct. 

She blinked her eyes open. Yeshua looked back at her. 

“It’s so much,” she said finally. “It’s bloody beautiful. And if you bring paradise now… it’ll all stop. So, don’t do that.” She paused. “Oh yeah, and if you worship Satan, he’ll give you, er… the whole world as it is now.”

As if that would be any different from what the Angels wanted to give him anyway.

“So you should worship Satan.”

Yeshua smothered a chuckle. “You’re Hell’s best tempter?”

“Oi. That was a top-notch temptation, I’ll have you know.” Didn’t do that sort of thing for anyone else. Too many emotions. 

“Top-notch?”

“I brought about original sin. Shut up.”

He laughed properly now, dark eyes lighting up with mirth. 

Crowley allowed herself a smile. Then, she stood and offered him a hand again. “Well, that’s my bit done. I’ll take you back to the desert, yeah?”

“And then you’ll leave.”

“And then I’ll leave,” she agreed. 

He accepted her hand, and she pulled him up, then snapped her fingers to take them back to the desert. Yeshua let go of her hand the moment they arrived. 

It was twilight now. A breeze blew her veil about her face.

“How do you know him?” Yeshua asked.

Crowley’s throat went tight. “Know who?”

“Aziraphale.” He paused. “He lived in my neighbourhood.”

“Oh, him.” Crowley laughed. “Just… seen him around, I guess.”

“You love him.”

It wasn’t a question. She swallowed. “Yeah. Don’t tell anyone, please. They’d hurt him.”

“I won’t.” Yeshua paused. “You’ve given me a lot to think about, Crowley.”

“Glad to hear it.”

He chuckled, then gathered himself. “Away from me, devil! Worship the Almighty and serve Her alone.”

He didn’t say it seriously—not really. Crowley made an obscene gesture at him, then turned to walk away into the desert again. 

***

 _Friday, 3 April 33 AD. Golgotha, Roman Empire, Canaan_.

Crowley watched the sun set, an uncomfortable weight in the pit of her stomach. She’d shown up on a whim, really. Also to confirm that she’d done her job. 

The thing was, it wasn’t meant to end this way. Whatever the plan was, Yeshua’d been meant to live. He was supposed be half God, for Satan’s sake. But he was still mortal, apparently.

Rotten bloody parent God was. Not that it was a surprise. 

Aziraphale stood slightly in front of her, wringing his hands and grimacing. It wasn’t a pleasant situation to be in, under any circumstances. At least Crowley was allowed to criticize. Had to be hard, being as good as Aziraphale and not allowed to recognize when something was fucked up like that.

The humans began dispersing as the hours wore on. Yeshua has stopped moving much a little while ago. But Crowley knew Death would show up sooner or later, and it seemed weird to leave before that. Aziraphale seemed to have thought something similar, since he stayed where he was.

It was dark out when Death arrived. He didn’t spare a glance for the lone Angel and Demon in the crowd of mourners.

When he’d left, Aziraphale made a choked up noise, and Crowley looked at him askance. She couldn’t say anything, really. ‘Are you all right’ was both deeply un-Demonic and had a fairly obvious answer. Any assurances would fall flat. Sometimes silence was best. Or so Crowley hoped, anyway.

“I think—I think I had better pay my respects to Maryam,” Aziraphale said tremulously. “It will be a difficult week for her.”

“Mmm.” Crowley watched him cross the field and exchange a few words with the woman in blue. She could feel the blessing from where she stood, though what a blessing would do for that sort of grief was a mystery. 

Humans passed as they walked away. Many wore their clothing torn. A few muttered prayers.

“You’re still here.”

Crowley looked up to see Aziraphale approaching. “Yeah,” she said. “I, er. I haven’t worked out where I’m going next yet.” She’d been travelling a lot recently. 

Aziraphale didn’t say anything.

“Where are you going, then?”

“Oh. Back home to Jerusalem, I should think.”

“Thought you were staying in Nazareth?”

“Gabriel thought I should be closer to all the—” he waved a hand listlessly— “events.”

“Right.” Crowley swallowed. “I’ll say good-bye, then?”

Aziraphale made eye contact with her, his hands twisting in his robe. She’d taken off the veil over her eyes earlier, blast it all. 

He looked down again. “I don’t suppose you’d like to, er… accompany me?”

Oh. That was… an idea. “Won’t upstairs still have an eye on you?”

Probably should’ve thought of that before standing directly behind him for hours, but it was too late now.

“No.” Aziraphale looked at her again. “I think—that is, they’re not very concerned with me. Ordinarily. And the important bit is done now, as far as I know.”

’Course. Because Yeshua was dead. 

“Right. Okay.” She pulled her veil out and tied it over her eyes. Really ought to find a better solution for that. “Don’t have anything better on.”

Aziraphale gave a brittle smile and began walking away. 

This was good. Wasn’t it? Nobody else really understood the gravity of it quite the same way. Except maybe Maryam. Crowley had only exchanged a few words with her, but she gave her the creeps. Humans weren’t meant to be like that.

Then again, good didn’t really matter anyway. It was what she wanted, and apparently what Aziraphale wanted. So there. 


End file.
